2019 is here! I am so thankful and blessed to say I have crossed over! I am excited about the open doors and new opportunities that God is getting ready to bless me with. It took me a minute to get to this point.... Here's the deal..
I’m a pretty optimistic person. I typically don’t have trouble expressing what I’m going through because Im usually positive God will work it out in the end. Not that I talk about it often, because I HATE COMPLAINING! But if I’m to the point that I need to talk it out, I can. In fact, I know it will always work it out in the end but that doesn’t mean I don’t forget sometimes—well, not that I forget, but sometimes because its hard for us to see the way out, we get mixed up in trying to figure it out ourselves which causes us to forget that our journey wasn’t intended for us to travel on alone. Remember Kim- God is with you… God is with you.. Yes, Im aware. I realize that we must be constantly reminded of that- constantly reaffirming our faith. And even when Im aware- the problems or obstacles distract me a lot of the times. Well listen! 2018 did its good distracting, ok?!
2010
The last time I had a year this bad, was 2010. Long story short- I was freshly single and healing from a canceled engagement. I was humiliated, lonely, and bitter. My sweet grandmother, Ella Gray Streeter, moved to heaven that year. Boy, do I miss that girl! Even our family dog, Baby J, left us that year. I turned 25- worst birthday ever! I woke incredibly depressed! I felt like a failure! I was a college drop-out, hadn’t accomplished any of my goals up to that point. (I was supposed to be married, owning my business, and pregnant with my first kid by then.) Maybe it was what I needed- no, I definitely needed it so I could unfreeze and start making some things happen!! (Watch my ‘Make It Happen’ video on youtube!)
2018
2018 was filled with highs and extreme lows. Of course there was some coasting in between, but I’m going to attempt to explain the experiences that affected me the most.
This year even started out in a horrible mood. I was extremely upset with a loved one coming in the new year and my stubbornness kept me that way for a few weeks. Sometimes guys, its just really healthier to let stuff go. Forgiveness is not only for the other party, but for you. I know- easier said than done. But learn from my mistake and at least, start the process to get yourself to that point. You’ll be so much better for it in the end.
Moving on, I started a vlog- My Youtube Channel, The KiMiiJ Way! This is something Ive always wanted to do but didn’t know it until I started doing it. It was very fulfilling and definitely out of my comfort zone. I was so proud of myself for stepping out and starting a new journey. I felt like my life was getting stale and that was just what I needed to get inspired again.
Right when things were looking up, I watched my father get the worse phone call a parent could get. The call that my big brother, his son, had just died. I totally paused my mourning process so I could be there for my parents and my sisters. I will never forget the pain in the pit of my stomach. My sweet sweet brother had left us prematurely. I had questions- Did he know how much I loved him? Was there something I could’ve done? What can I do to help the family? Who can I confide in? Do I even have the right to be this sad? Why my brother? All these questions and I had to find some kind of peace with none of them being answered. Struggle Bus! I had to reset and restart! (Watch my ‘Reset & Restart’ video on youtube!)
Towards the last few months of the year, I found myself just existing. I was constantly at the doctor for my anxiety. My panic attacks were becoming worse. In October, i was diagnosed with depression. Its definitely a weird thing. Getting out of bed was a struggle and usually didn’t happen until it was time for me to go to work in the evenings. Its a strange feeling, especially when you know what you have to do to get out of it- but just can’t. Especially simple things like, getting out of bed. Im on my way to recovery. Figuring out what makes me happy and doing more of it.
Grow:
I realized I made a decision to stay in my pity party. I was comfortable there. It didn't require anything of me. You have to make the decision to want better. You have to put in effort to change. Problems can be distractions. Its important that I constantly study, pray, and keep my relationship with God alive. I need to constantly remind myself of His Goodness and Mercy! God is bigger than any problem. I can’t allow the problem to distract me from that. Because when I am reminded, I find comfort and the strength to endure. Because obviously it’s a reason I have to go through this, so push through Kim! Push through!
Glow:
As mentioned earlier, the last time I had a year this bad was 2010. What I take joy in, is the promise of the new year!! Although 2010 was bad, 2011 was AMAZING! It was the year I made my lifelong dream come true and opened my own dance studio! It was also the year, I got my license! I had a huge fear of driving, but that year I trampled my fears. That was indeed a GLOW-UP! That excites me, because if God it did it for me then, I know he can do it for me now! 2018 was a struggle, but that just means that 2019 is going to be bomb. Trust that.
Learn the lesson, move on..
Grow&Glow!
-KiMiiJ
コメント